HIS AFTERGLOW...

Of late, it has been difficult to suppress;

Thoughts spurned with emotions have been crashing on the shores of my mind, gently subsiding over the hilly terrains of uncertainty;

The turbulent waves ebb down only to return back formidable, huge tides that engulf my mind.

They have crossed the barriers of the subconscious to infiltrate my practical mind,but has been checked and held back by the crash gates called practicality.

My scientific mind should have been more receptive in to the inner warnings of putting the ideas on hold,but it has been of little help!

Initially it chided,but these days it seems to have laid down its arms in front of the abstinent mind.

Its difficult to imagine how time and again I choose a life smothered by inevitable sufferings,this time around I dug a pit so deep that it could well turn out to be my grave,with a R.I.P hanging over it!

Surprisingly even then,it doesnt hold back my thoughts; they march on undeterred.

I question myself, how could this have happened?Has this ever occurred before?

I know the answer isn't in the affirmative,but my mind protests, "There is always a first time"!

"First time to what? My destruction?The initial phase of short lived happiness to be followed by pangs of grief?", my conscious revolts back.

I have been a sadistic person through the better part of my life,but this change is welcomed with open arms.

I feel a better person,happy to be with myself- the way a smile plays on my lips, every time I think about him, I feel rejuvenated.

My mind knows no fear- for it has tasted happiness; how the taste of immortality drives man to attain the impossible even when they are aware of its futility.

I know my happiness is short lived;sooner or later,expectations would start building up and when they will fall short,I will be hurt.

I know not what to do to escape this predicament- Ignore him?avoid talking to him on casual pretexts?stop looking for him when he is not around?

Nothing comes to my mind that I have not tried before,but none of these could come to my rescue.

What it did was to leave me with a yearning,scathing heart, which was nursed back to health by him- talking to him,stealing a few glances,seeing him smile.

Deep within,my mind wants to give up on the loneliness that has seen me through the better half of my life,

It wants to thrive on the little meal of joy that he brings in my life.

For when he speaks,it rings a thousand bells which chimes in harmony.

It soothes my pain, puts an end to my disdain which the world piles up in my mind.

His smile brings the feeling of spring amidst the fall,its so vibrant.

Its like a warm cozy shelter on a windy night.

Its as beautiful as the sky at the break of dawn.

Its so innocent and arresting,it melts my heart.

And his eyes,those beautiful chestnut colored ones,can light up any place in the world however grim or dim.

Those eyes which can hold my attention anytime and transfixes me.

The way they look at me,I get transformed to a magical realm.

The way it drives out any fear or hesitance and instills in me a beautiful feeling,

The way the world looks flawless and lovely when I look through your eyes.

His eyes,I can see the sun rising in them,they mesmerize me.

When I look at his eyes I can't help but hold my gaze,

It sends a tingle down my spine

Everytime I think of him,I smile. His smile shines through in my thoughts.

Whenever I try not to think of him,his charming smile crawls back into my mind.

I can feel my heart beating faster,throbbing out of control whenever he smiles at me.

I feel eternally happy,so calm and so much at peace.

If I could savour one moment in my life,asked to keep just a single memoir,

I would like to keep the image of his eyes twinkling with his heavenly smile.

Maybe he is a distant dream,wont be even logical to call it a dream as that raises a hope of it coming true.

But I feel helpless,unable to control myself,not that I mind

I am happy living in this moment,

Lost in his thoughts,in his afterglow.

VIT through my Eyes

May,2008- i happened to stumble upon two of my Friends' conversation about them applying in VIT. My world came crashing in,as 'we' had thought that we would apply to places together,do our masters together.I had only a week in hand to get the aplication form..but when the day came to send the filled in form,i was faced with a double bandh..everything was uncertain..The day came when the selection list was published..and I was called for the interview..I thanked my stars.
June,2008- Went to Vellore for the interview.over two days in train,studying for the interview,me and Pounami..so much of anticipation..
The day came,ranks were given..lucky to scrape through..chose Biomedical Genetics over Microbio..could see my dream of carying on with Cancer taking shape.
July,2008- 7th july our 1st sem classes start.i get my room in Syu Ki block,a 6bedded one,my rum mates-Pounami,Divya,Harika,Chandrika,Ipshita..it took me almost a sem to befriend people..i was still reviving from the shock I had got..
1st sem was about studies-a great biochem professor,a horrible notes savvy cel bio lecturer,and I was introduced into a world of colors!(we had to use colored pens for drawing!)
1st sem was also about the spooky block..i remember those frightened sleepless nights,i remember being homesick,i remember crying to return home..then all of a sudden the sem came to an end..
December,2008- 2nd sem classes started..slowly I started making frnds,we formed the 1st benchers group- AACID- Avipsa(the serious one),Anila(the bubbly one),Charu(the crackpot),Ipshi(the cute one) and me!we rocked-boring classes,a pj loving lecturer,asignments,seminars..Meanwhle we moved into Ida Scudder block,E-106..started gelling with Chandu further..movie nights,gossips together,room was fun!
June,2009- had to come back early from the vacations for the cancer genetics classes of Dr.Hande!! those were fun days,food at special mess,chitchats,group seminars and the hi-tech CAT!
July,2009- 3rd sem and the best of all!we did maximum fun..conferences,seminars,lecture series..and ofcourse Gravitas!our biobusiness plan(Alchemist),Superevolution,guessing the killer-we had a brainstorming session..Stats class,the sleepy DG classes(Avi's gems were a saviour),a scholarship,SHAH's b'day bash,Chandu and me shifting to another room,E406,our photosesions,having the time of our lives..satisfyng!
Then,the day of farewell came,suddenly everything came to a standstill..Tears,best wishes,embraces,hugs..time to depart.
December,2009- 6months project at IICB.
March,2010- midreview time..we were meeting up after a long time..memories came rushing back..lovely time together..
June,2010- final review..friends reassemble together for the final time-last stay at hostel,hostel food,late night chats,studying together-everything came to an end..
VIT has been a life changing experience-lots of positivity in it. I have grown here mentally and earned many- great lifelong friends,some life lasting experiences with awesome scientists the world over,b'day bashes,a movie bank..and loads more..
There have been some setbacks,but when does it not happen..love it or hate it,you simply can't ignore it! VIT was really a place to be-amazing campus,great atmosphere,genuinely great hostel life..got everything here!

Would proudly like to say- 'Once a VITian,always a VITian'!

wish could have turned back time..

The Plight of Fear

Fear always makes one vulnerable..but the greatest fear in my life has been that of losing.I have lost to many things-to people,to fate,to time and above all to Death..
I always believed I was a v.strong girl,who has matured earlier than apprehended..but when I lost some precious people,i could feel the fear gripping over..i could sense the vulnerability seeping in..from a brave and confident girl,i was transformed into a shaky,nervous female..I was losing my identity.
I have lost a lot,so much so that at one point i had started to remain aloof from people so that i don't become attached to them..i adopted that perception to avoid the notion of estranged loved ones.
But I am Human and i couldn't keep my emotions veiled..i started trusting again,started involving.I saw happy days only for them to be torn apart by pangs of agony.The biggest blow was delivered by People,whom i loved more than my life..They left me perhaps for greener pastures..Fate betrayed me further-building up a skyscraper of hope and then mulling it down by a 8.5 magnitude earth quake..
Death by far has given me the greatest of shocks..it has captured my concience like no one else!after losing so many dear ones to its merciless wrath,that too those whom no one expected to,my senses are on constant vigilance.
Im always awry of when and whom it will strike..every little move that my loved ones make,makes me shudder,throws me in a whirlpool of thoughts..every night i close my eyes praying that the next morning let me see them hale and hearty..
This fear has captivated my soul,its waiting for me to be taken to the gallows..till then it keeps on bulgeoing..I too am waiting..hopefully some day i will be able to plan an escape from its cocoon..and fly away into the clouds,cheery and happy to be Fearless again!